Free Injury Screening

   


A few years back I suffered an overuse injury as a result of over training for a marathon. I usually end up with some sort of running injury every year, but this particular injury didn't feel like most. The pain was just above my ankle on the front of my leg. I couldn't run down the block let alone 26.2 miles of a marathon. Over the following couple of weeks I made up my cardio work on the trusty elliptical machine at the gym. Right around the time frustration turns into desperation I received an email from my favorite running store, Dick Pond Athletics. The email outlined several sales going on at the time but it also advertised a free injury screening to be hosted by the good people at Athletico, a physical therapy and sports medicine place nearby. Perfect, I thought, I can get an idea of how long this will hurt and adjust my running accordingly. If only it had been that easy, you see, there's always free cheese in a mouse trap. Like a Swedish schoolboy I walk into the store happy to be there. They had me write my name on a clipboard and wait to be called. The screenings were happening right in the running store. A few awkward minutes of browsing and my name is called. I walk over to find the Athletico employee and completely lose any ability to speak. This women could've been a playboy centerfold. She wasn't a ten, she was a 20. She had blonde hair flowing all wavy like, she was thin and fit as hell with a set of canons, she was ridiculously hot. Of course I'm fumbling around looking completely foolish. She asks "where does it hurt"? It took every ounce of me to hold it together and tell her. She has me sit on a chair and take my shoe off. She squats down and picks up my foot by the heel and begins examining it. She's unknowingly rubbing my foot all over her boob. I just about hit the ceiling. The longer she massaged her breasts while examining my foot the further I was crawling up out of the chair. I was not prepared for this. My foot was rubbed across every inch of that breast. Had I gone in there under the pretense that I'd be feeling up the hottest woman on earth with my foot I probably would've been a little better equipped to handle it or ,more likely, avoid the whole thing. Your boy was looking dumb. I got played by a running store. I wish, now, that I could watch that situation play out. The look on my face. No longer relevant, but I had a shin splint right above my ankle.

*I'm not trying to objectify women at all. This is only meant to be comedy. Sorry if I offend anyone.