Surprise, you have a lot of running to do!

 



    Yesterday I received an email confirming my entry into the Chicago Marathon. My registration comes through the general lottery system that the marathon had put in place a few years ago. As I read through the confirmation email I was reminded of a Christmas day practical joke I pulled on my mom but the prank somehow ended up epically turning on my sister and brother in law in the process. It was a Christmas miracle  Let's review.
     The first weekend of December is an important time for me because the Fox Valley Marathon hosts their early registration event. At the time I was still very much trying to show the people around me that running is really important for your health and well being. I still feel that way, you may have heard me say "Running is my Religion". My mom has always been an active person. She rides her bike all the time and all sorts of other things too. She was talking, at the time, about doing some kind of athletic event to train for and improve her health but she has a bad knee so running really isn't in her wheel house.
     On Christmas morning my family exchanges gift like most of us do. For the Christmas gift exchange, however, my family draws names out of a hat and that's the person you buy a gift for, and as well, we put something in each others stockings. It's simple and it works. Well, this particular year I drew my mom's name from the hat. Expectedly, my mom said she wanted a bath robe from some high end store she frequents. I ordered it online. When it arrived I wrapped it real nice and set it aside. I also took the confirmation email sent to me by the Fox Valley Marathon and changed the pertinent information to my mom's name and address, printed that out and wrapped it in a smaller box.
     Christmas morning came and she is handed the fake gift. She holds it with much trepidation. She had to know something was up. She unwraps the box and pulls out this sheet of paper. Briefly scans the document and then asks me what it is. I respond "I signed you up for the Marathon! You were talking about doing something. Boom! I'll help you train and run it with you." She is immediately sent into a full blown hot flash. While fanning herself with the paper as her face turns bright red my sister yells "she can't even walk up a flight of stairs! You think she's running a marathon!" Her husband, Kevin, says "Sure you can, Kate and I will run it too! We were just talking about running." That's when Kate says "I wanted to have a kid next year!" and he says "What!!!" He was as shocked as the rest of us were overcome with laughter.
      I reassured my mom that it was a joke and she was not signed up for any marathon, presented her with the real gift, and she was pleased. She did take a moment to step out into the winter air to cool off and the following December we had a nephew.
   

Desk top Stapler

    The other day I ran into a guy I had gone to high school with, Ricky. He's always been a great guy and happens to be best friends with this other guy, Brett, who lived a block away from myself growing up. We chatted for a moment and he mentioned how he and Brett were "just talking about me". I can't imagine how it is that I would come up in conversation so I asked "about what"? He quickly responds "The stapler, Brett still has his". I shake my head to the fact that it's been 17 years and this still comes up. He went on to remind me how funny that was and I agreed faithfully.
    Back in my junior year of high school I had this part time job at Sears hardware. One evening I was tasked with cleaning out an area in the warehouse that was seldom used. Upon doing so I stumbled upon a big box full of desk top staplers that had been forgotten about for some time and long since discontinued. The manager makes a quick announcement that if any employee wants one they are 10 cents a piece and then we'll mark them to $1 for any interested customers. I reach in my pocket to reveal a crumpled up one dollar bill and say "I guess I'll take all ten".
    The next day I brought all ten staplers with me to school. My first class was this strange 2 period long English and History class. One teacher would teach English and another would teach History in the second hour. Neither teacher liked me personally. I passed out the staplers amongst friends in class. We were slowly making our way into the first hour when very suddenly a police officer walks in. He addresses the class that he's looking for me. The history teacher, Mr. Sullivan, promptly points me out to him. "Pete, why don't you get all the staplers back from your little buddies and come with me" he says firmly. The staplers are frantically handed back to me and I am escorted from class. He walks me to the police liaison office, sits me down, and asks "Where did you get all these staplers"? I told him very simply "I bought them".
Cop- do you have a receipt?
Me- Not with me
Cop- hmm, because it looks like you stole them.
Me- I work there
Cop- Well, where do we go from here?
Me- Why don't you just call them?
  He gets the phone from his desk and I provide him with the phone number. This really whacky and high strung lady who worked the customer service desk answers. The cop delicately says he has a student in possession of about ten staplers and is quickly cut off by her boastful and completely ecstatic "Pete!! Yeah, we sold him those. Ten cents each so he bought the whole box!"
   He had the dumbest look on his face as we both heard that coming from the phone. He thanked her and hung up the phone, turns to me and says "So what now"? I made it back to class right before the end of the second hour and gave everyone back their stapler. My legacy was made that day.
    The history teacher called the cops on me.