I worked at Chase for 7 years in the credit card services department. It was awful. The people that I worked with were a unique bunch. They had to put a policy in place because people would make popcorn at 7am, making the entire floor smell like it. They had a rule that you couldn't have lunch at your desk, only a snack. The difference, after much litigation, is that a snack doesn't require a utensil. There's a mountain of bullshit I could happily outline for you but I'd rather we get right to it.
My last day was March, I don't know what day, 2014. On my last day I did what any respectable employee of a monolithic-peasant-fuck-machine would do and I put a microwavable popcorn pack in the microwave and turned it on high for as long as the piece of shit would go for and walked away.
I waited at my desk for about an hour before I would dare walk past the breakroom again. There were several ladies standing outside of the breakroom muttering obscenities. The smell was horrible. You could cut the smell with a spoon, if you were allowed to have one at your desk. Below you'll find the play by play I sent my brother via text. It was great.
Pete:
Run to work, check
Burn popcorn, pending
Seth:
Ha ha
Pete:
Popcorn, check
Seth:
So what happened? Any reactions?
Pete:
I just started it and walked away
Seth:
Ha ha
Pete:
5 min on high
I smell popcorn
Seth:
Ha
Pete:
No mass email yet
Oh shit
It stinks
Seth:
Ha ha
Pete:
Everyone's talking about it!
5 min is the magic number to burn popcorn
The whole floor smells bad
Seth:
I'm cracking up over here
Pete:
Good thing I didn't put it all the way to 6 min
Seth:
Ha ha
Pete:
This place is fucked
Seth:
Is it really that bad?
Pete:
I'm two isles from the farthest away
And it's strong
Seth:
Ha ha
Pete:
I got one more pack
Seth:
Oh man
Pete:
I'll drop that one down stairs
Seth:
Yes
Pete:
Too bad I can't upper deck* the joint
Seth:
Oh man
Seth:
Any updates?
Pete:
No
The smell is clearing up
*an upper decker is when one goes number 2 into the tank of a toilet.
