I spend a lot of time in Door County Wisconsin. It's a pleasant area and I really like being in the woods. A group of friends, family, and myself were spending a long weekend there during the winter a few years back and we made good on an idea we've been planning for quite a while. We went bar hoping down main street in Sturgeon Bay. The irony one discovers is in the way beers get little by little more expensive as you move west starting at Bud's, the Red Room and down to the most expensive being the Nautical Inn. There's a direct correlation to the quality of beer selections available as well. As an example; at Bud's 12 people get a beer in their hand for $8, and by the time you get to the Nautical Inn we're on separate tabs.
In our bar hop evening we make it all the way down to the Nautical Inn. We all file in and order a round of Bell's Two Hearted Ale. I leave my beer on the bar and run to the bathroom. I had to go #2 suddenly and time was definitely a factor. In the mens room I find 2 stalls. One is out of order so I go to the other and it appears functional. I take a nasty ass dump, the kind I'm famous for, and flush. Wipe and drop it in and realize it isn't going down. The toilet isn't clogged. It's the situation where the water fills slowly and rises right up to the brim in a slow nasty brown water rotation. Looks nasty. I start to panic. There's no plunger. "What do I do" I ask myself. I choose the only viable option, sneak out.
The bar is small. The bathroom door faces the bar and is only about 10 feet back from it. My friends are standing nearby and have my beer. As I approach they go to hand me my beer and I, quickly and deliberately, say "We gotta go". "what? Why?" I'm asked. Before I can get a single word out a country looking dude walks out of the bathroom and yells across the whole bar "Who just took a deuce?!!!!" the entire bar, crowded, goes silent. He yells again "Who just took a deuce?!!!" No one makes a peep. I connect eyes with my buddy Nick as he raises his glass to his mouth and chugs his beer down. He turns and connects glances with my dad who's at the far end of the bar. Nick raises his index finger and makes a horizontal circle motion to signify that we need to wrap things up. My dad nods. As we all walk out my dad looks at the group and asks "Which one uh'you assholes?" We all bust up laughing.
*My deepest apologies go to the good people at the Nautical Inn. They didn't deserve that.
